Raising Muslim Kids With Non-Muslim Family: A Guide for Converts

When you become Muslim, you don’t stop being someone’s daughter, son, sister or grandchild. And when you have children, your parents usually want to be their grandparents in every way they know how: Christmas stockings, Sunday roasts, Easter eggs, birthday cakes.

If you’re a convert parent, or in a family where one side isn’t Muslim, you may feel pulled in two directions. This guide is for you. It’s about keeping your children’s faith and their family, both.

Family ties are part of deen

Islam doesn’t ask you to step away from non-Muslim parents. It asks you to be good to them.

Evidence · Qur’an

وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِى مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًۭا ۖ وَٱتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَىَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

“But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness…”

Evidence · Qur’an

وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حُسْنًۭا ۖ وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِى مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَآ ۚ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

“And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents…”

Even where parents disagree on the deepest questions, the Qur’an says to stay with them “with appropriate kindness”. The Companions lived this:

Evidence · Hadith

Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (RA) said: “My mother came to me during the lifetime of Allah’s Messenger ﷺ and she was a pagan. I said to Allah’s Messenger, ‘My mother has come to me and she desires to receive a reward from me, shall I keep good relations with her?’ The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘Yes, keep good relation with her.’”

Evidence · Hadith

“The merciful are shown mercy by Ar-Rahman… The womb is named after Ar-Rahman, so whoever connects it, Allah connects him, and whoever severs it, Allah severs him.” Narrated by ʿAbdullah ibn ʿAmr (RA).

Your children are watching how you treat your parents. If they see you visit, call, help and honour your mum and dad, they learn exactly how to treat you one day.

Holidays with grandparents

Christmas is the big one for many convert families in the UK, US, Canada, Australia and across Europe. Easter, Thanksgiving, Diwali or other family festivals can raise the same questions.

What scholars say

Scholars differ, and it helps to know the range:

• Attending the family gathering is allowed, avoiding religious rituals. Some scholars hold that a convert can attend a family Christmas gathering as part of keeping family ties, while discreetly not taking part in any religious activities. A SeekersGuidance answer in the Hanafi school takes this view.
• Taking part in the celebration isn’t allowed. Others hold that Christmas is a religious festival specific to another faith, so Muslims shouldn’t join the celebration itself. They also raise concerns such as alcohol on the table. IslamWeb gives this view.
• Gifts and kindness. Many counsellors and scholars encourage converts to accept their parents’ gifts graciously and never mock their beliefs, while teaching children clearly that they’re Muslim. An AboutIslam counselling answer takes this approach.

This guide doesn’t give a ruling. Ask a scholar you trust, ideally one who understands convert families.

Practical options families use

• Visit on a different day. Christmas Eve, Boxing Day or the weekend after, so you see family without being part of the day itself.
• Join the meal, skip the service. Many families share food (halal, or vegetarian) and time together, but don’t attend church or religious parts.
• Give gifts at other times. Visit with gifts in winter or New Year, or make Eid the time you give generously to grandparents too.
• Invite them to your celebrations. Iftar in Ramadan, Eid lunch, your child’s first-fast party. Let them see joy on your side too.

See also our guide to Christmas at school.

Food and visits

Food is often where love shows up in a family, so food questions can feel personal. Keep them practical.

• Explain simply. “We eat halal meat and no pork or alcohol. It’s part of our faith.” Most families want to get it right once they understand.
• Make it easy. Bring a dish, suggest a vegetarian or fish menu, or share a halal butcher’s details.
• Check the hidden things. Gelatine in sweets, bacon in stuffing, wine in gravy. Ask kindly, not suspiciously.

Leaving children with non-Muslim relatives

Many families leave children with non-Muslim grandparents for an afternoon or a sleepover, and it can be a gift for everyone. A SeekersGuidance answer encourages parents to think well of grandparents rather than assume they’ll undermine the children’s faith.

Make it work by briefing them warmly: food, prayer times if your child prays, bedtime duas, and any films or content you’d rather avoid. Then trust them, and keep talking with your children at home. It’s a family judgement; if you have a specific concern, ask a scholar you trust.

Explaining differences

Children notice early that grandma has a Christmas tree and doesn’t pray. Give them simple, kind words.

For 3-6 year olds:

“Grandma isn’t Muslim. She believes different things from us, and we love her very much. Allah tells us to be kind to our families.”

For 7-10 year olds:

“Before I was Muslim, I celebrated Christmas too. Then I learned about Islam and chose it. Grandma and Grandpa still follow their own beliefs. We can disagree about big things and still love each other.”

For older children:

“Islam teaches that we should be good to our parents, even when they don’t share our faith. Watch how I treat Nan, because that’s how I hope you’ll treat me.”

And always:

• Never let children mock grandparents’ beliefs. (See our guide to answering kids’ big questions about Islam.)
• Welcome questions: “Will Grandma go to Jannah?” is a real question. Answer gently, say Allah is the Judge and is Most Merciful, and make dua for her together.
• Let them make dua for their grandparents’ guidance and good health.

Evidence · Qur’an

لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ

“Allah does not forbid you from those who do not fight you because of religion and do not expel you from your homes, from being righteous toward them and acting justly toward them…”

When family pushes back

Not every family is accepting. You might hear “You’re taking our grandchildren away from us”, or find a grandparent quietly taking your child to church, or making jokes about your hijab.

• Assume love behind the worry. Often fear is about losing you. Reassure them they’re not losing their grandchildren.
• Hold boundaries kindly and clearly. “We’d love the kids to spend the day with you. Please don’t take them to the service. It matters to us.”
• Agree on a united front with your spouse, especially if one of you was born Muslim and the other wasn’t.
• Pick your battles. Save firmness for what really matters.
• Keep the door open. Ties can heal over years. Keep inviting, keep calling.

See also our guide to grandparents and extended family.

Building your own Muslim community

Convert parents often raise children without Muslim grandparents, aunties or cousins. That gap is real, and you can fill it.

• Find convert circles. Many cities have convert support groups through local masjids or Muslim organisations.
• Build a “chosen family”. Muslim friends who become aunties and uncles to your kids, invite you for Eid and sit with you at iftar.
• Join the masjid’s family events, weekend school or youth groups.
• Be gentle with yourself. You may be learning Islam alongside your children. That’s fine. Learn together.

For more on raising children with a strong identity, see raising Muslim kids in the West.