When Your Child Gets Angry: Sunnah Tips for Kids

Your eight-year-old loses at a board game. The pieces go flying, a door slams, and you hear “I hate this family!” from upstairs. Ten minutes later, he’s quietly asking what’s for dinner as if nothing happened.

Anger in children can be loud, sudden and a little frightening, for them as well as us. The goal isn’t a child who never gets angry. It’s a child who learns, slowly, what to do with anger. The sunnah gives us tools that are perfect for children, and they’re simple enough for an eight-year-old to use.

Anger is natural; control is the skill

Feeling angry isn’t a sin. It’s a normal human emotion, and children feel it intensely because the parts of the brain that manage impulses are still developing. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests explaining to children that it’s okay to feel mad sometimes, but not to hurt someone or break things.

The Prophet ﷺ redefined what strength looks like:

Evidence · Hadith

لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

“The strong person is not the one who overcomes people by his strength, but the strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.” Narrated by Abu Hurayrah (RA).

Children, especially those who love superheroes or sport, respond to this. “Do you know who the Prophet ﷺ said is the really strong person? Not the one who wins the fight. The one who can stop himself when he’s angry.”

When a man asked for advice, the Prophet ﷺ said, “Do not become angry,” and repeated it each time he asked again (Sahih al-Bukhari 6116 · Sahih). Scholars explain that this means not acting on anger, and avoiding what stirs it, rather than never feeling it.

Kid-sized sunnah tools

Teach these on a calm day, practise them as a game, then remind your child gently when anger comes.

1. Say the dua

أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ

Aʿudhu billahi min ash-shaytan ir-rajim: “I seek refuge with Allah from Shaytan, the outcast.” Two men were arguing near the Prophet ﷺ, and one went red in the face. The Prophet ﷺ said he knew a word that, if the man said it, would take his anger away (Sahih al-Bukhari 6115 · Sahih).

Kid meaning: “Allah, help me calm down and keep Shaytan away.”

2. Sit down (or lie down)

Evidence · Hadith

“When one of you becomes angry while standing, let him sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise let him lie down.” Narrated by Abu Dharr (RA).

Children love that this is an instruction from the Prophet ﷺ. Make it physical: “Anger is making you tall and stompy. Let’s get low.” Flop onto a beanbag, sit on the stairs, lie on the rug.

3. Water

A drink of cold water, splashing your face, or making wudu can help reset the body. A narration in Abu Dawud links anger with wudu, but it is graded weak (Sunan Abi Dawud 4784 · Da’if, al-Albani), so we share this as practical wisdom, not as a sunnah instruction.

4. Silence

“When you’re very angry, close your mouth for a bit.” Words said in anger are hard to take back. Teach your child it’s okay to say, “I’m too angry to talk right now.”

5. Words for feelings

Help them move from hitting to words. “I’m angry because…” “That’s not fair because…” “I need…”

A calm-down corner

Set up a cosy spot with your child (not as a punishment, but as a place to reset):

• A cushion or beanbag to sit on, per the sunnah.
• A card with the anger dua in Arabic and English.
• A water bottle.
• A squeeze ball, playdough or paper to scribble on.
• A “feelings faces” chart to point at.
• A small sand timer for slow breathing.

The rule: anyone can go there, including parents, and no one gets in trouble for using it. Over time, children start to choose it themselves. That’s the moment the skill is becoming theirs.

After the outburst: repair and plan

Once your child is calm (sometimes an hour later, sometimes the next day):

1. Reconnect first. A hug, a snack, sitting together.
2. Replay it kindly. “You got really angry when you lost the game. What was that like inside?”
3. Acknowledge. “Losing is hard. It makes sense you felt angry.”
4. Name the line. “Throwing the pieces wasn’t okay. They could have hurt someone.”
5. Repair. Help tidy up, say sorry to a sibling, fix what was broken where possible.
6. Plan. “Next time you feel that, which tool will you try first?”
7. Praise progress. “Last time you threw the board. This time you only shouted, then went to the beanbag. That’s real strength.”

Evidence · Qur’an

“…who restrain anger and who pardon the people, and Allah loves the doers of good.”

Don’t punish the feeling. Follow through calmly on the behaviour. A child who’s punished harshly for anger often ends up angrier, while a child who’s coached learns that anger can be handled. See Islamic discipline without hitting for consequences that teach.

When to worry

Most childhood anger is normal. Talk to your GP, school or a child psychologist if:

• Outbursts are very frequent, very intense, or getting worse over months.
• Your child regularly hurts people or animals, or destroys things.
• Anger is affecting school, friendships or family life.
• Your child seems very low, anxious or withdrawn between outbursts.
• They talk about hurting themselves.

Sometimes anger signals something else: anxiety, learning difficulties, bullying, sleep problems or big changes at home. Getting help early is a gift to your child, not a failure.

For more on emotions in general, see helping kids with big feelings. And if it’s your temper that’s the struggle, you’re not alone: see how to stop yelling at your kids.