Good Friends Matter: Helping Kids Choose Friends in Islam

Somewhere between seven and nine, friends start to matter in a new way. Children pick their own best friends, come home quoting them, and begin to care a lot about what the group thinks. As a parent, this can feel like the first time someone else has a real say in your child’s heart.

Islam has a lot to say about friendship, and it’s mostly hopeful. Good friends are one of the best gifts you can help your child find.

Why friends shape faith

The Prophet ﷺ used a picture any child can understand.

Evidence · Hadith

“The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellows; from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell, while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell from it.” Narrated by Abu Musa (RA).

Imam Muslim narrates the same parable (Sahih Muslim 2628). You don’t have to do anything to come away smelling of perfume or smoke. Just being near is enough. Friends rub off on us.

Evidence · Hadith

الرَّجُلُ عَلَى دِينِ خَلِيلِهِ فَلْيَنْظُرْ أَحَدُكُمْ مَنْ يُخَالِلُ

“A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” Narrated by Abu Hurayrah (RA).

Research on how young people form their faith says something similar. A Yaqeen Institute review by Dr Osman Umarji found that parents are the most important influence on children’s religious identity, and that peers and other role models matter too, because so much is learned simply by watching. That’s good news: you’re still the main influence, and you can help shape who else your child watches.

Creating good company

You can’t choose your child’s friends for them, but you can choose the places they meet people. At this age, you still have a lot of say.

• Make Muslim friendships easy. Weekend Islamic school, the mosque youth circle, a Muslim scout or sports group, Qur’an class, family friends. Regular, repeated time matters more than one big event.
• Open your home. Invite friends over. You’ll see how they play together, and your child’s friends will get to know your family’s rhythm: the salam at the door, Maghrib at home, dates on the table.
• Know the parents. A quick chat at the school gate goes a long way, whether you’re in Birmingham, Toronto, Melbourne or Minneapolis.
• Be the fun house sometimes. A home with board games, a garden and good snacks is a home where children want to be.
• Talk about friends warmly. Ask about them by name. Children tell more to parents who are interested rather than suspicious.

Kindness to all

Good company doesn’t mean only Muslim company. Your child will sit next to children of every faith and none, and the Qur’an is clear about how to treat them.

Evidence · Qur’an

لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ

“Allah does not forbid you from those who do not fight you because of religion and do not expel you from your homes – from being righteous toward them and acting justly toward them. Indeed, Allah loves those who act justly.”

Teach your child that a good friend is about character, not labels. A kind, honest classmate from another faith can be far better company than a Muslim child who bullies. Equally, a Muslim friend who shares your child’s salah and Ramadan is a special gift, and worth making time for.

Kindness also means standing up for others:

Evidence · Hadith

“Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one.” People asked how to help an oppressor. He ﷺ said: “By preventing him from oppressing others.” Narrated by Anas (RA).

That’s a hadith about being a good friend and a good bystander. Stopping a friend from being unkind is one of the best things you can do for them.

Peer pressure by age

Peer pressure isn’t just a teenage problem. It starts small. Give your child ready words for each stage, and practise them at home in a light, playful way.

When you don’t like a friend

It happens. Before you act, ask yourself honestly: is this friend actually harmful, or just different from what I’d choose?

1. Ask, don’t ban. “How do you feel after you’ve played with them?” “What do you like about them?” Children often know more than they say.
2. Get closer, not further. Invite the friend over. Children often behave better, and you’ll learn a lot.
3. Name behaviour, not people. “I didn’t like how he spoke to his brother” works better than “He’s a bad kid.”
4. Grow other friendships. Rather than taking a friend away, add good options: a club, a cousin, a new activity.
5. Step in clearly when it’s serious. If there’s bullying, stealing, unsafe online contact or anything risky, act calmly and firmly, and involve the school.

Banning a friend outright often makes the friendship more exciting. Steady, warm guidance usually works better.

On the Day of Judgement, the Qur’an describes someone saying, “Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend” (25:28), the friend who led them away from remembrance (25:29). And the Prophet ﷺ gave the hopeful side:

Evidence · Hadith

“Everyone will be with those whom he loves.” Narrated by ʿAbdullah (RA).

Help your child love good people, and they’ll want to be like them.

Keep going

Friendships keep changing through the school years, and online friendships will soon join in. For the next steps, see our guides to raising Muslim kids in the West, raising confident Muslim kids and a teen’s first phone and social media.